Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Looking towards the future. . .

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. . . but this past week, has been good. . . there have been a couple of wods, that I thought would kill me. . . but they didn't!  A few moments that I felt like I was going to die. . . and I didn't. . .and a couple of seconds, that I thought I couldn't handle. . . but I did. . . Is this my transformation in action?  Is it working?

Only tomorrow will tell. . .

xoxo

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Another day. . . more challenges. . .

Another epiphany. . .the same way I see all the bad things in the mirror. . . I see all the difficulties in my life. . . none of the good. . .

Today, I will remember the good, remind myself that the challenges are there to make me stronger and enjoy life. . .

Short and sweet!

xoxo

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Am I crazy?

I'm beginning to feel a bit crazy. . . this goes back to the logical me and the emotional me.  Logical me knows I'm making changes, positive changes. . . I have muscles I've never had before, I'm wearing sizes I haven't worn in a very long time, my measurements are great. . . what could I have to complain about?

Ok, the emotional side (i.e., crazy side).  I see fat, everywhere, rolls, bumps, movement. . . that I feel if I was as in shape as I am telling myself I am. . . wouldn't be there. . .Has my body really changed that much?  Is it because I'm getting old?  Are all the bumps and rolls going to go away?  Will I ever see myself as others do?  Or will I always be "stocky"?

Oh, Lord. . . help the craziness go away. . .

xoxo

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Better and better. . .

I can say it is getting better. . . . I have been very aware and practicing my "one minute at a time" and I think it is working. . . I have my moments, but all in all. . . better. . .

Last night I had an amazing workout, Jumping Nancy, 5 rounds, 50 double unders and 15 overhead squats @ 65#. . . done in 13:46. . . my first round of double unders was unbroken and all my OH squats were unbroken.  After my workout a friend took a video of me doing pull ups. . . I had to look twice, it doesn't look like me. . . lol. . . I wish I could see myself the way others see me. . . maybe someday I will. . . someday soon, I hope. . .

xoxo

Thursday, March 3, 2011

One second, one minute, one hour, one day. . .

I must continue to remind myself. . . one minute at a time.  I look at my life and it all seems so overwhelming. . . and it makes me tired. . .

Today was a tabata workout. . . I was scared and tried to think of an excuse not to do it. . . but I am soooo glad I did it. . . more than just the workout itself, I had a revelation right in the middle of round 3 (of 32 mind you - I was obviously still thinking clear at that point). . . I said to myself, "you can get one more pull-up"  and I got one more pull-up, after every one, I said "I can do one more."  The revelation came when I realized, I can be happy, confident, courageous and strong, for one more minute.  Just 60 seconds, I can do that. . . after every minute, I can do just one more minute. . . and one more minute after that. . . I am now on a roll. . .

On the physical side, I am down another size. . . I can't equate that to weight, as I threw my scale away. . . and my measurements got lost when my Blackberry died, so. . . from start (August 2010) to today I have dropped 8 sizes (size 12 to a size 3-4).  Nothing to sneeze at!  Physically, I'm feeling good. . .

I think I taught myself something today, I am going to go and practice my lesson. . . for one more minute. . .

xoxo

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Another day. . . another missed workout. . . ?

Ah the joys. . . things are crazy for me right now. . . work is hectic to say the least.  This will be a testament to my ability to continue to "move forward."

My life has gotten so crazy that I am now in a constant battle, every minute, every hour, every day, with people, places and things. . . and it is funny (if that is the appropriate word), how I am feeling the same way about my transformation.  One minute I am strong and the next minute I am weak. . . a constant internal battle.  I have missed two workouts this week.  I may miss today. . . It makes me very anxious.  I have not been eating enough, in fact I've gone days without any real sustenance.  I just can't find the motivation to eat. . .

I ask myself, is this just life?  Is this how it is for everyone?  Or do I lack something that has inhibited me from dealing with these things effectively?

My goal for today, no make it the next hour, is to be strong, be brave and face things head on. . . then I will move on to the next hour. . . 24 hours makes a day. . . one day of being strong and brave. . .

One step at a time. . .

xoxo

P.S.  I will also try and eat something

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I almost forgot. . .

I almost forgot why I started this blog in the first place. . . I've been meaning to do it for a while, but like I said I am not a writer. . . I have been procrastinating and putting it off. . .

I started this blog, or the motivation to finally start this blog, came from the SINS Body Transformation Body Challenge.  While, I can ALWAYS improve physically, I think my transformation and my goals are going to be a "mind body" transformation.

I work hard, I eat right (most of the time), but what I think I am really lacking is faith, belief and love. . . for myself.  I am really good at loving others, doing for others, supporting others. . . but these are the things that I would never do for myself.  The first thing that pops in my head is. . . "am I worthy?"  Well, the logical side of me  says "YES, OF COURSE."  The illogical side is saying "Well, what do you mean by worthy?"  (See I told you. . . lol)

So, starting today, I am going to continue to work hard, eat right, get stronger. . . AND I am going to get stronger emotionally.  I am going to love me, believe in me, have faith in me.  I will start supporting ME. . . .

xoxo